Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Holiday Hangover

By Ann Mayburn

Right now you’re probably at the end of your Christmas rope...or in this case sparkly Christmas garland festooned with merry plastic mistletoe, ‘cause you know you can never have enough of mistletoe. It’s everywhere! From the entrance to the grocery store, to those oh so clever boxers your man wore to bed with the mistletoe right over the crotch. Around December 1st I might have indulged in a kiss or two with a laugh, but now on December 29th your lucky I don’t slug you.
Anyways, if you’re anything like me, right now you’re still in your jammies, regardless of what time of day it is. You’re looking at your house, covered with a thick layer of wrapping paper, ribbons, and cards. There is movement from a giant pile of tissue paper in the corner where your cat is either playing or pooping in it.


Your dog has eaten all of the Christmas cookie ornaments off the tree and the only candy left in your cute Santa Clause candy dishes are the crappy kinds that no one wants.
Your fridge is stuffed with holiday feast leftovers and you’re trying to figure out a way to use the last of the turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes, and corn in a way your kids will eat. Because there is no way in hell your cooking anything right now. Behind all that food are various pies, cookies, and fruit cakes that friends and family members have given you. Once again all the good treats are gone, leaving behind the weird ‘gourmet’ pineapple salsa peach pie that your sister made and the fruit cake that’s been passed around the family since the Great Depression.
Let’s not forget begging your Goth teenager to get at least one decent picture to send out to the relatives and the resulting trauma that they caused poor Santa Clause at the mall. Then again, the rest of the kids didn’t do too well with Jolly ol’ Saint Nick either. 




Do you know what days like this are perfect for? Not giving a crap! That’s right, I give you permission to sit around in your pajamas all day, reading books on your new eReader, and eating whatever the hell you want. You can store away those lovely Christmas sweaters for next year along with the adorable antlers that your cat absolutely loathes and is planning your destruction over.
Let your kids play with all of their new toys, they’re only kids once and tomorrow you can being the endless battle of keeping your house from looking like it’s not something out of that TV show ‘Hoarders’ again. Right now the only thing you need to worry about is which romance novel you want to read first while you snuggle up with a cup of hot chocolate liberally spiked with butterscotch schnapps.
Enjoy this time of peace, these precious days between Christmas and the New Years. Remember all the good times and fun that you’ve had and give yourself a pat on the back, you made it through another holiday season with your sanity almost intact and your butt only a little bit bigger.
 Would you like an extra 25 dollars to spend at Amazon to feed your eReader? Great! Simply tell me what is hiding in the picture of the pile of wrapping paper above. ;) 

**LEAVE A COMMENT FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A $25 AMAZON GIFT CARD**

26 comments:

  1. ha ha, Ann. If only I could relax and not give a crap today. I'll have to save that luxury until tomorrow or maybe Saturday when husband is out with his sticks hitting a little white ball around some grass. But you are right - we get too caught up in everything sometimes to let ourselves relax.
    As to what is hiding under that pile of wrapping paper - well, I hope you didn't throw it out without checking it because it was your youngest child!

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  2. I loved Santa's face in the pic with the goth kids. It was like he just didn't know what to do. I totally agree, screw the clean-up. Lets just relax for a bit. :)

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  3. LOL looks like some adorable little baby feet peeking out. Too cute!!!

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  4. Love you Ann. Such a great post. I agree with Melissa, I think it's a cute little tyke under all that paper just waiting to jump out and surprise someone...LOL
    Happy New Years.
    Michelle

    koonie 2888 at yahoo dot com

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  5. I agree on the little one under the wrapping paper!! The imagination that kids have are amazing!!

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  6. Yes, let's just relax and do nothing. Well, except, like you said, read and eat whatever we want. There should be more days like that, but with work, taking care of the kids, errands, etc., there just doesn't seem to be any time for ourselves. Doing nothing would be wonderful, even for a few hours. Oops. Gotta go, the kids are calling. Happy holidays!

    e.balinski(at)att(dot)net

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  7. OMG, I see toes and feet under that wrapping. If you had not said something, I would have missed it. LOL

    I love those pictures. Mall Santas must have a lot of patience. LOL

    Happy New Year to All.

    Thanks,
    Tracey D
    booklover0226 at gmail dot com

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  8. I have decided to not even attempt to organize the chaos from Christmas until the kids go back to school.

    Love the pic and the cute baby feet peeking out.

    elena(at)elenagray.com

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  9. Thanks for the opportunity. I love the baby's feet sticking out from the pile of paper. That's one pooped out papoose!claymoreg@hotmail.com

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  10. I adore the Goth picture with Santa. That is a classic."Are those cookies made of real Girl Scouts?" LOL Happy New Year! Tara
    tara at taralain dot com

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  11. loved your post and pictures:)

    reginamayross@gmail.com

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  12. I see feet, and those feet are on the smaller side and the legs look to be wearing some jammies. How'd you get that picture of me anyhow? *laughs* Your post made me laugh out loud this morning, because it's all true. Well, not the weird pineapple salsa thing or the fruit cake, but otherwise, most of that did happen or is still happening around here.
    Hubby broke his foot a couple wks before Christmas, so I'm taking care of Mr. Hobb-a-long who is either sleeping, asking for food, or trying to get to the bathroom.....so yep, another child. Grrreeeaaattt! Anyone wanna play Hubby Swap? LMAO!!!
    Sebrina_Cassity at yahoo dot com

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  13. LOL..great post.
    For me on Dec 26 everything came down.The only remainders of Christmas is the leftover baked goodies.which I am eating while reading :)

    Its a little kid under the wrapping paper.

    Happy New Year!

    elaing8(at)netscape(dot)net

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  14. I usually don't take my tree down until after New Years sometime...though there was a year that for some reason it didn't come down until mid-Feb.???!!! No sure why...but I won't let it go that far this year :) I see a pair of toes sticking out from all that wrapping paper!

    Eva
    evitap67(at)gmail(dot)com

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  15. It looks like there is at least one kid in there! Thank you for the contest!

    emilytardy(AT)yahoo(DOT)com

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  16. I LOVE all the pics you posted, especially those fun loving Goths! As to what's in the photo...it's either a baby doll or a real baby. Not sure if I should call the authorities or not. LOL!

    And yes, the holiday hangover not caused by alcohol is awful. I have no energy and a lot of grumpiness and staying in bed until summer is sounding pretty darn good.

    Thanks for the awesome giveaway!

    joderjo402 AT gmail DOT com

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  17. LOL we're still in holiday mode here. In-laws are here until Saturday *cries*

    For all of you who are able to sit back and relax... I'm totally jealous :P

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  18. I love the scared Santa photos. The Chicago Tribune does a special section every year for the worst Santa photos. I know it makes me a horrible person but I love them. They make me laugh so hard that I cry. LOL

    geishasmom73 AT yahoo DOT com

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  19. I am guessing from the size of the little feet sticking out from the wrapping paper, there must be one of your children hidden in there. Too cute!
    Have a safe & Happy New Years!
    Thank you for the giveaway!
    manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com

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  20. Oh man, I loved your post, and totally agree with your sentiment. This week is for vegging out, eating whatever is handy and for curling up with a good book. Next week I will worry about cleaning, and putting away all the decorations, (by myself, I might add).

    I know those are feet under there, and assuming that they are attached to an adult. Maybe you or your hubby.

    Happy New Year

    caity_mack at yahoo dot com

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  21. I love your post....LOL.
    Your right...we don't have to give a crap today...lol
    It's also my birthday, and I was just over thanking everyone for the birthday wishes, and almost all of them are from authors. It touches my heart that so many have touched my life because of their books.
    So I went to work today, and came home and said my thanks yous and just going to veg out and read books....*S*
    Thank you for th giveaway & the wonderful post that says it all....lol

    Darcy
    pommawolf @hotmail.com

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  22. Yep, I'm in bed in my new, fuzzy jammies doing NOTHING! Niiice....

    books4me67 at ymail dot com

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  23. Those look like baby feet to me! Too cute...Happy New Year!

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  24. I'm going to have to go eith the general concensus that the hidden object in the wrapping paper is a child. Hope no one stepped on them.

    drainbamaged.gyzmo at gmail.com

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  25. lol great post! im so lazy after a holiday. clean is too much work...and cooking, forget it! lol it looks like a kid is hiding in the wrapping paper and they look pretty young, so im guessing that they have at least one christmas toy with them. lol thanks for sharing! happy holidays!
    shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com

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