By Ann Mayburn
Right now you’re probably at the end of your Christmas rope...or in this case sparkly Christmas garland festooned with merry plastic mistletoe, ‘cause you know you can never have enough of mistletoe. It’s everywhere! From the entrance to the grocery store, to those oh so clever boxers your man wore to bed with the mistletoe right over the crotch. Around December 1st I might have indulged in a kiss or two with a laugh, but now on December 29th your lucky I don’t slug you.
Anyways, if you’re anything like me, right now you’re still in your jammies, regardless of what time of day it is. You’re looking at your house, covered with a thick layer of wrapping paper, ribbons, and cards. There is movement from a giant pile of tissue paper in the corner where your cat is either playing or pooping in it.
Your dog has eaten all of the Christmas cookie ornaments off the tree and the only candy left in your cute Santa Clause candy dishes are the crappy kinds that no one wants.
Your fridge is stuffed with holiday feast leftovers and you’re trying to figure out a way to use the last of the turkey, ham, stuffing, potatoes, and corn in a way your kids will eat. Because there is no way in hell your cooking anything right now. Behind all that food are various pies, cookies, and fruit cakes that friends and family members have given you. Once again all the good treats are gone, leaving behind the weird ‘gourmet’ pineapple salsa peach pie that your sister made and the fruit cake that’s been passed around the family since the Great Depression.
Let’s not forget begging your Goth teenager to get at least one decent picture to send out to the relatives and the resulting trauma that they caused poor Santa Clause at the mall. Then again, the rest of the kids didn’t do too well with Jolly ol’ Saint Nick either.
Do you know what days like this are perfect for? Not giving a crap! That’s right, I give you permission to sit around in your pajamas all day, reading books on your new eReader, and eating whatever the hell you want. You can store away those lovely Christmas sweaters for next year along with the adorable antlers that your cat absolutely loathes and is planning your destruction over.
Let your kids play with all of their new toys, they’re only kids once and tomorrow you can being the endless battle of keeping your house from looking like it’s not something out of that TV show ‘Hoarders’ again. Right now the only thing you need to worry about is which romance novel you want to read first while you snuggle up with a cup of hot chocolate liberally spiked with butterscotch schnapps.
Enjoy this time of peace, these precious days between Christmas and the New Years. Remember all the good times and fun that you’ve had and give yourself a pat on the back, you made it through another holiday season with your sanity almost intact and your butt only a little bit bigger.
Would you like an extra 25 dollars to spend at Amazon to feed your eReader? Great! Simply tell me what is hiding in the picture of the pile of wrapping paper above. ;)
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